Saturday, May 24, 2008

Clinton Apologizes to Obama Supporters for Temporarily Referencing Reality

Senator Hillary Clinton yesterday apologized to the nation for drawing reference to the fact that this is far from the first primary election to stretch into May, and beyond. Clinton's apology came one day after making the following statement to a South Dakota newspaper: "My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. I don't understand it."

Uh oh.
Did she just mention an assasination? A Kennedy? The past? First off, haven't the Kennedys been through enough? And, who does she think she is, drawing upon the past to explain the present, Lewis Lapham? Come on, Hillary, an assasination? Didn't you get the memo? This is the year of hope, as in "I hope you realize that you are being made to apologize for telling the truth while making a cohesive and relevant statement about why you are remaining in this race."
Reports indicate that Clinton decided to go with the Kennedy reference at the last moment, opting out of issuing this statement in its place:
"In 2004, the primary election season wrapped up nice and early, and George W. Bush won the general election. Let's change that. That's right, change. And you know how I'm going to do it? Well, first off, Senator Obama wants us to wrap this primary up right now. I'd like to sit down with John McCain. Republicans have been in office for too long. Together, we can change that."

Fox News is looking into allegations that Clinton was under the effects of her lady hormones while making this decision, and whether her lying, cheating husband played any role in this.

Barack Obama's campaign chose to issue the following statement in repsonse to Clinton's comment - "Sen. Clinton's statement before the Argus Leader editorial board was unfortunate and has no place in this campaign," - apparently opting out of "Good point" at the last moment.

John McCain has yet to comment on the situation. Nap time, apparently.

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